All That I Have: Week 2

By Spencer Klein


Readers, I’m gonna get right down to brass tacks. Why did the 200 bathroom keep closing? When it closed the first time I thought “Oh this is hilarious, clearly there was some malfunction or graffiti,” and if you read “Unfounded Assumptions” from a couple months ago you can read all of my predictions as to why it was closed The First Time. When we published that article I was afraid that when the paper was distributed, the bathroom closures wouldn’t be relevant any more. But thank god that two months later the bathrooms are still being closed and my article is still relevant (Note to editor: are people still sad about Paul Walker? If not I have a hilarious idea).

Continue reading “All That I Have: Week 2”

Fact-checked: A correction to the April issue

Following President Trump’s executive order changing the national language to Russian, The Islander highlighted some helpful phrases for the new administration in its most recent issue. However, because of some trouble with our translators, the correct English translations did not make it in the paper. They have been reprinted below. We apologize for the mistake. Continue reading “Fact-checked: A correction to the April issue”