All That I Have: Week 4

By Spencer Klein


We have a cartoonist on staff. His name is Teddy Fischer. One time he drew two walruses making out, and then like two minutes later he made out with two walruses (this act is known as a “blubber sandwich”). As soon as that cartoon got published I knew I had to abuse our cartoonist. So, I invented some made up position (Note to editor: Next year can we come up with a more convincing and official sounding title? I was thinking like “Lord of Laughs,” “The Jesting Journalist” or “Editor in Chief”) on the editorial board so I could have enough power to commision a cartoon.

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All That I Have: Week 2

By Spencer Klein

Readers, I’m gonna get right down to brass tacks. Why did the 200 bathroom keep closing? When it closed the first time I thought “Oh this is hilarious, clearly there was some malfunction or graffiti,” and if you read “Unfounded Assumptions” from a couple months ago you can read all of my predictions as to why it was closed The First Time. When we published that article I was afraid that when the paper was distributed, the bathroom closures wouldn’t be relevant any more. But thank god that two months later the bathrooms are still being closed and my article is still relevant (Note to editor: are people still sad about Paul Walker? If not I have a hilarious idea).

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