The Student News Site of Mercer Island High School

The MIHS Islander

The Student News Site of Mercer Island High School

The MIHS Islander

The Student News Site of Mercer Island High School

The MIHS Islander

America Adopts Flag Dudes

Graphic+by+Luke+Harp
Graphic by Luke Harp

Following Mercer Island High School’s unprecedented level of school spirit in 2021, the MIHS Flag Dudes have been re-assigned to the Pentagon indefinitely to boost patriotism. Their new dude-ies include thrusting American flags around at congressional assemblies, performing American propaganda sketches during press conferences and chanting “America is #1” at UN summits.

“Y’know, when the recruiters from DC came to our school, it sounded like a really cool opportunity that we couldn’t refuse,” Flag Dude Lucas Horp said. “If we did, they threatened to start actually enforcing mandates on masking and moshing. How are we supposed to accurately represent the school while being held to the same standards as everyone else? We just couldn’t take that risk.”

Although the Flag Dudes’ wild activities are purely for fun, some of their behavior has been perceived as offensive by America’s primary rival, Switzerland. In retaliation, the Swiss have declared war in the United Nations Secretariat Building parking lot following the next summit. The dudes are currently collaborating with President Biden and Associate Principal Wold on how to address this rift civilly.

While Horp continuously stated that he loves America during our interview, it was unclear why, other than it’s his birthplace. “I don’t know if America does anything better than other countries, but I’m proud to be American,” Horp said. “What I value most is unity, unlike the f[ri]ckin’ Swiss.”

However, the transition to life in the nation’s capital has been difficult for Horp. “Being a Flag Dude for a country hits differently than doing it for high school—everyone takes themselves so seriously, which is not at all what spirit is about. These guys just don’t know how to have a friendly rivalry.” 

Bellevue had no comment.

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About the Contributor
Kyle Gerstel
Kyle Gerstel, Head of Content

Kyle Gerstel (he/him) is a junior at MIHS and this is his third year as part of The Islander. Outside of school, Kyle is the Producing Artistic Director of Penguin Productions, an intergenerational theater dedicated to producing pay-what-you-choose youth productions as well as cultivating new works by teen playwrights. He likes Love Actually and The Big Short and dislikes 13 Going on 30 and when people sneeze loudly.

 

Comments (6)

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  • S

    Sadie SeumaeApr 20, 2022 at 12:50 pm

    I love the image. Very bright and informational. Nice job Kyle!

    Reply
  • L

    Luke HarpJan 18, 2022 at 1:13 pm

    Humorous and insightful.

    Reply
  • A

    AshwinJan 12, 2022 at 12:35 pm

    I think the comparison between school spirit and patriotism is interesting. They are both about blindly supporting one’s own group over others. Personally, I think both are acceptable in the context of conflicts (during sports for school spirit, during wars for patriotism). However, I think injecting them into everyday life is unnecessary.

    Reply
    • K

      Kyle GJan 12, 2022 at 9:33 pm

      What if you support one side of a war but you’re a citizen of the other country? Should you still be patriotic?

      Reply
      • A

        AshwinJan 14, 2022 at 2:22 pm

        In that case, the person can express their true support, however, they should be prepared to be scorned at in their home country.

        Reply
        • K

          Kyle GJan 14, 2022 at 2:46 pm

          Interesting… Thanks for sharing!

          Reply