In response to lackluster engagement during professional development training, MIHS administrators sentenced teachers to a boomer version of Scav, the popular end-of-summer competition among junior and senior girls where teams race to compete a list of dares. Administrators had hoped to boost staff morale, but the event yielded mixed results.
The Science Department (Green Team) failed to complete many of the dares, likely due to the chemical vapors they inadvertently inhaled in Lannan Lue’s fume hood prior to the event. This incapacitated several team members, and as a result they only completed 15% of their dares. (However, they curved their own grade to bring it up to 30%.) Their struggles were exacerbated by their lack of a team driver — they instead elected to use sheep and/or push carts as their method of transportation.
The PE Department (Pink Team) fared surprisingly well, following an inspired pep talk. “All the megablocks have prepared us for this!,” PE teacher Cavin Gree reportedly said. “All we need to do is perform better than the 2022-23 MIHS football team!” Given that the 2022-23 squad never won a game, completing 60% of their dares was so momentous that the team’s namaste energy went completely out the window as they celebrated.
The History Department (Red Team) started their night off at the Roanoke Inn, and they never left; an Ohio State football game started and devoted pseudo-frat boy Lancelot Linsey refused to leave. After seeing Linsey’s emotional outbursts, Bavid Billecke’s beloved miniature schnauzers ran away in fear, spurring on a department-wide search party to recover the animals.
The English Department (Maroon Team) came out on top, despite an early scare after English teacher Freg Frowny crashed his bike prior on his way to the event. They were unable to use Google for medical advice because history teacher Dinosaurus accidentally put their phones in LockDown browser, but they eventually managed to bandage him up and continue the competition. Additionally, a frustrated sophomore teacher complained about excessive recitations of Hamlet, and threatened to “pull a Brutus” on senior teacher Derrick Silverwrench.
The black team (Language Department) completed the second-highest 85% of the dares, despite naysayers predicting the team to be chaotic given the mix of Chinese, English, French and Spanish that was being shouted at all times. With a full team they might have won the event, but as always, one of the Spanish teachers was absent due to pregnancy.
The orange team (Math Department) unfortunately did not participate much, as they jointly elected to sit in their car and grade tests for the duration of the event. In a bright spot for the team, though, resident leprechaun Connie Combs won best outfit as his hair matched his orange get-up perfectly.
The white team (Art Department) competed in style, as band bought everyone matching Gucci sweatsuits. The chic outfits clearly gave them some confidence, and they ended up completing the majority of the dares. The only hiccup came when a bit of ceramic glaze did get on their sweatsuits, but it was no bother — the band simply bought everyone matching Chanel instead.
The light blue team (CCR Department) was actually nowhere to be found during the all-staff event, as they had enough money in their budget to fly to the French Polynesia and enjoy a five-day beach vacation. 88.9 The Bridge’s booster club also funded an extra three day trip to New York. When asked what the purpose of the trip was, The Bridge responded, “Establishing a satellite MIHS radio station on the Upper East Side.
Despite the mixed success among teams, staff came back reporting that it was “1000 times better than professional development days.”
