According to a recent survey among MIHS alumni, 98% attest that they “use most of what [they] learned in high school on a daily basis.”
“Students regularly thank me for being able to delete GPS apps and flawlessly calculate the exact 28 minute drive to their office having mastered velocity equations,” MIHS physics teacher Watty Peston said.
Alumni are seeing great career success due to their MIHS education.
“Last week I was invited to sit in on an important meeting at work,” former MIHS student John Johnson said. “While no teacher ever quizzed me on ‘business casual,’ I am well informed on the subject of symmetry.”
“I feel accomplished knowing little Johnny was able to put two matching socks on,” geometry teacher Commer Cocoon said. “He really focused on our lesson reflecting across the y-axis and it’s paying off.”
Johnson also recalled every detail about the Renaissance, and decided on a contrasting black-and-white outfit for a chiaroscuro effect that would make both Da Vinci and Johnson’s former MIHS history teacher, Pyson Teters, proud. Alumni are becoming the best interns at the office – at least at deciphering a document’s SOAPSTone.
“Former students contact me all the time to tell me about their success differentiating their bosses’ use of metaphors from similes,” English teacher Crate N. Laughy said.
Foreign language teachers also prepare students for the adult world.
“When I introduced myself to a potential investor at my firm, I know a ‘c’est un plaisir de vous rencontrer’ was just the way to impress her,” alumnus Charlie Brown said. “I don’t think she spoke French, but I doubt someone who didn’t score a 5 on their AP French Exam would’ve received such a quality handshake.”
In contrast, Spanish teacher Maestra Fitzgerry’s worst nightmare came true when a student studying abroad in Spain miserable failed to conjugate verbs in the vosotros form.
STEM teachers have gracefully avoided these issues. Their students have nothing but praise for them.
“I guess being able to drive myself to work is cool, but I cannot stop marveling at my ability to multiply polynomials,” former Rachael Stair-it student Betty Crocker said.
While high school might not teach students how to pay their taxes, students are prepared to calculate the volume of a trapezoidal prism that will fit all their unpaid bills.
“I don’t need an inequality to know that being able to list every point of Woodrow Wilson’s 14-point-plan is far more important than being capable of ordinary things like paying taxes,” Crocker said.
