Tag Yourself: Horoscope Edition

By Maya Virdell


December 22 – January 20

  • stress is a personality trait now
  • smiling through the pain
  • everyone thinks you’re put together and goes to you for advice but in reality you need advice
  • 0.2 seconds away from breaking down



January 21 – February 19

  • good news you got your test back and aced it!
  • bad news you forgot to put your name on it.
  • you tell the teacher it was yours but they don’t believe you.



February 20 – March 20

  • caught your friend talking behind your back
  • joined in not knowing they were talking about you
  • now everyone is confused and you are confused about why they are confused



April 21 – May 21

  • woke up 15 minutes before school started, rolled out of bed and tripped over your backpack and face planted. It’s fine you’re fine though, yeah, totally.
  • everyone keeps asking if you’re sick but you just didn’t have time to shower or brush your hair.  
  • teacher marked you absent even though you were there the whole time.



March 21 – April 20

  • made an impulsive last minute decision to stay up all night watching vine compilations and eating hot cheetos instead of studying for your math quiz.
  • you show up to your math class and suddenly all you can think about is why arkansas is pronounced arkanSAW instead of kansas. You are confusion. America explain???



May 22 – June 21

  • the teacher moved your seat away from your friend so you would stop talking
  • jokes on them though everyone in class is your friend
  • got kicked out of class for talking. It was the one time you actually asked a clarifying academic related question



June 22 – July 22

  • just had your fifth mental breakdown this morning, congrats it’s less than yesterday
  • tears are good for your skin, so at least your skin will look good.
  • forgot about your test next period? Don’t worry, your grade can’t get any lower anyway!



July 23 – August 23

  • got overly excited about chicken tender tuesday and ran to the line only to trip on someone’s shoe and ram your head into the wall.
  • currently in the nurse’s office and they won’t stop handing you ice.
  • by the time you leave the nurses all the chicken tenders are gone and all that’s left is honey mustard.



August 24 – September 23

  • stayed up all night learning about 18th century france, woke up and screamed “Vive la revolution!”
  • you’re so stressed about school, you can’t feel anything at this point
  • feelings? What’s that? Never heard of them.



September 24 – October 23

  • currently in an argument with your friend. midway through you realize your point is wrong but at this point it is too late to turn back.
  • better to keep up the argument than to admit you’re wrong!
  • the argument was about superior dipping sauces. Ranch vs. honey mustard vs. barbecue
  • you lost a friend cause of it



October 24 – November 22

  • finished their test with plenty of time afterward. Before turning it in you checked and double checked
  • felt confident and turned it in
  • only to realize later there was a whole backside that you didn’t do
  • went to go to talk to the teacher after school only to discover they left for Cuba for three weeks



November 23 – 21 December

  • showed up to class only to realize there was a surprise exam
  • you panicked and fled to the vape infested bathroom
  • until there was a fire alarm drill and you were forced to evacuate the school
  • you ended up running into your teacher but it was fine because they didn’t realize you were gone. they didn’t even know your name.