By Maya Virdell
December 22 – January 20
- stress is a personality trait now
- smiling through the pain
- everyone thinks you’re put together and goes to you for advice but in reality you need advice
- 0.2 seconds away from breaking down
January 21 – February 19
- good news you got your test back and aced it!
- bad news you forgot to put your name on it.
- you tell the teacher it was yours but they don’t believe you.
February 20 – March 20
- caught your friend talking behind your back
- joined in not knowing they were talking about you
- now everyone is confused and you are confused about why they are confused
April 21 – May 21
- woke up 15 minutes before school started, rolled out of bed and tripped over your backpack and face planted. It’s fine you’re fine though, yeah, totally.
- everyone keeps asking if you’re sick but you just didn’t have time to shower or brush your hair.
- teacher marked you absent even though you were there the whole time.
March 21 – April 20
- made an impulsive last minute decision to stay up all night watching vine compilations and eating hot cheetos instead of studying for your math quiz.
- you show up to your math class and suddenly all you can think about is why arkansas is pronounced arkanSAW instead of kansas. You are confusion. America explain???
May 22 – June 21
- the teacher moved your seat away from your friend so you would stop talking
- jokes on them though everyone in class is your friend
- got kicked out of class for talking. It was the one time you actually asked a clarifying academic related question
June 22 – July 22
- just had your fifth mental breakdown this morning, congrats it’s less than yesterday
- tears are good for your skin, so at least your skin will look good.
- forgot about your test next period? Don’t worry, your grade can’t get any lower anyway!
July 23 – August 23
- got overly excited about chicken tender tuesday and ran to the line only to trip on someone’s shoe and ram your head into the wall.
- currently in the nurse’s office and they won’t stop handing you ice.
- by the time you leave the nurses all the chicken tenders are gone and all that’s left is honey mustard.
August 24 – September 23
- stayed up all night learning about 18th century france, woke up and screamed “Vive la revolution!”
- you’re so stressed about school, you can’t feel anything at this point
- feelings? What’s that? Never heard of them.
September 24 – October 23
- currently in an argument with your friend. midway through you realize your point is wrong but at this point it is too late to turn back.
- better to keep up the argument than to admit you’re wrong!
- the argument was about superior dipping sauces. Ranch vs. honey mustard vs. barbecue
- you lost a friend cause of it
October 24 – November 22
- finished their test with plenty of time afterward. Before turning it in you checked and double checked
- felt confident and turned it in
- only to realize later there was a whole backside that you didn’t do
- went to go to talk to the teacher after school only to discover they left for Cuba for three weeks
November 23 – 21 December
- showed up to class only to realize there was a surprise exam
- you panicked and fled to the vape infested bathroom
- until there was a fire alarm drill and you were forced to evacuate the school
- you ended up running into your teacher but it was fine because they didn’t realize you were gone. they didn’t even know your name.