Tag Yourself Horoscopes Edition


December 22- January 20

stress is a personality trait now

smiling through the pain

everyone thinks you’re put together and goes to you for advice but in reality you need advice

0.2 seconds away from breaking down



January 21- February 19

good news you got your test back and aced it!

bad news you forgot to put your name on it.

you tell the teacher it was yours but they don’t believe you.



February 20- March 20

caught your friend talking behind your back

joined in not knowing they were talking about you

now everyone is confused and you are confused about why they are confused



April 21- May 21

woke up 15 minutes before school started, rolled out of bed and tripped over your backpack and face planted. It’s fine you’re fine though, yeah, totally.

everyone keeps asking if you’re sick but you just didn’t have time to shower or brush your hair.  

teacher marked you absent even though you were there the whole time.



March 21- April 20

made an impulsive last minute decision to stay up all night watching vine compilations and eating hot cheetos instead of studying for your math quiz.

you show up to your math class and suddenly all you can think about is why arkansas is pronounced arkanSAW instead of kansas. You are confusion. America explain???



May 22 – June 21

the teacher moved your seat away from your friend so you would stop talking

jokes on them though everyone in class is your friend

got kicked out of class for talking. It was the one time you actually asked a clarifying academic related question



June 22 – July 22

just had your fifth mental breakdown this morning, congrats it’s less than yesterday

tears are good for your skin, so at least your skin will look good.

forgot about your test next period? Don’t worry, your grade can’t get any lower, anyway!



July 23 – August 23

got overly excited about chicken tender tuesday and ran to the line only to trip on someone’s shoe and ram your head into the wall.

currently in the nurse’s office and they won’t stop handing you ice.

by the time you leave the nurses all the chicken tenders are gone and all is left is honey mustard.



August 24 – September 23

stayed up all night learning about 18th century france, that you woke up and screamed “Vive la revolution!”

you’re so stressed about school, you can’t feel anything at this point

feelings? What’s that? Never heard of them.



September 24 – October 23

currently in an argument with your friend at the moment, midway through you realize your point is wrong but at this point it is too late to change back.

better to keep up the argument than to admit you’re wrong.

the argument was about superior dipping sauces. Ranch vs. honey mustard vs. barbecue

you lost a friend cause of it



October 24 – November 22

finished their test with plenty of time afterward. Before turning it in you checked and double


felt confident and turned it in

only to realize later there was a whole backside that they didn’t do

went to go to talk to the teacher after school only to discover they left for cuba for three weeks



November 23 – 21 December

showed up to class only to realize there was a surprise exam

you panicked and fled to the vape infested bathroom

until there was a fire alarm drill and you were forced to evacuate the school

you ended up running into your teacher but it was fine because they didn’t realize you were gone, especially because they didn’t even know your name.